I have always had some rocky trust issues with God, but we've been working toward some solid trust. After coming back from Central Asia my trust plummeted. Now that we are planning to go back for a couple weeks, I am afraid to have optimism. I know that we should both go to Af, but I just can't find the strength to believe that we are both going to be able to go. Nate has been incredibly encouraging, but this takes my own choice to believe. Yesterday, our chances started looking even more bleek. I took a moment and really talked to God about how scared I am and how I don't trust him right now. He spoke to me about having no extra back up plans. I ALWAYS have a back up plan. I never fully trust anyone or anything. (Full honesty coming out here.) I never believe something is going to happen, so I don't have to worry when it doesn't. So God is challenging me to trust and have no back up plan. I've tried to make back up plans already, but they have been pulled away.
I could use your prayer for this trust. Trust that we will go to Af and even more that if we don't go, that I have laid everything in God's hands and understand why we couldn't go.
Thank you.
I am praying for you! A little encouragement: I really think that each of us personnally struggle with this on some level...I remember reading about Smith Wigglesworth (If you don't know who he is, he was amazing man of God...actually ordered demons to come back and put his hotel room back in order after they destroyed all the furniture trying to harm him. It is also noted that he would walk into warehouses and businesses and when his shadow touched them, people would fall under the power of the Holy Spirit, demons would be cast out of them and even physical healings would happen without him even saying a word because he walked in the power of the Holy Spirit so much) anyway he writes that he often would be in great distress and anquish afraid God wouldn't be with him or wouldn't help him in different things in his life.
ReplyDeleteWE all struggle with this...and just when we actually fimly trust on this level then He takes us to a higher level of trust in that area or in another area of our lives. I believe this is what DEEP UNTO DEEP means. We gain understanding and firm conviction and trust at this place and then go deeper and have to relearn it again in a greater capacity!!
Trust doesn't always mean we don't have uncertainty or unease...rather that we fall back into his open arms in spite of these feelings!
LOVE YOU!!
Karra